UMOS Camps Overnight at Rodman's Neck for shot at Relay 1
CITY ISLAND, BRONX – It’s official. The long-standing record of earliest arrival at Rodman’s Neck for the qualification cycle has been broken. Police Officer Wicks, a career transit cop, had been camped out in front of the mess hall since 1500 hours the night before.
Earlier today, Wicks valiantly provided the Outdoor Range staff his tax identification number, for which he was given the coveted Relay 1, Point 1 slip in return. “I just can’t believe I actually did it. My family knows how hard I worked for this.” Wicks’ wife and two children were on hand to witness the event.
In anticipation of the feat, representatives from the Guinness Book of World Records were on hand to certify the accomplishment. Wicks blew away the previous record, which stood for nearly ten consecutive qualification cycles. However, it wasn’t all fun and games.
Over the course of his camp-out, Wicks not only had to endure rabid raccoons and suspicious prisoners from Riker’s Island, but also taunts and head shakes from fellow members of the service, to which Wicks replied, “Some guys just don’t get it. And I’m okay with that. What matters is how far I’ve come since my days in Relay 3, Point 54. Man, that seems like so long ago.”
After ceremonial photographs were taken, the commanding officer of the Firearms & Tactics Section presented Officer Wicks with a coupon for $1.00 off any item in the mess hall, which we’re told doesn’t include the chocolate chip cookies. When asked how he plans to spend the approximately 15 minutes he will save by being in the first relay, “I’ll probably head home and take a bath. This place is disgusting”, he responded.
In a strange turn of events, PO Wicks was collared for DWI later that night on his way home from celebrating. Attempts to reach him at his new command, the Bronx Court Section, were unsuccessful.