Staten Island Cop with “Sheepdog” Shirt Makes First Collar in Months
STATEN ISLAND – Finally, after months of scamming and dodging, the buffiest cop in the command, PO Joey McBufferson, finally made an arrest to the shock of his fellow officers. McBufferson cuffed 68-year-old Cliff Benton of Staten Island, whose license was suspended for one scoff on one date. It is unclear why discretion was not utilized on the three-time veteran of the Vietnam War with a portable oxygen tank.
“Bro, I couldn’t finish another quarter without a collar”, defended McBufferson when another officer simply shook his head at him in front of the desk. Sources tell The Hairbag that McBufferson, who can often be seen wearing thin-blue-line shirts with quotes such as “I'm a Sheepdog” and “In God We Trust...Everyone Else Gets Tossed”, is no where to be found during late jobs and 85's.
“The guy talks a big game but when its time to actual do cop sh—t, he's no where to be found. I've never seen him put his hands on anyone”, quipped a fellow officer who wished to remain anonymous.
To further complicate matters, McBufferson is alleged to have posted the following status on Facebook: “I stand behind in you in line with a gun under my shirt. I hope to never have to use it, but it's there to protect you from the evil that exists. #2A #Sheepdog.”
Ironically, instructors at Rodman's Neck contacted for this article reported that during his last qualification cycle, McBufferson's duty weapon was covered in peanut butter and crushed Swedish Fish. “I don't think that gun would have fired under any circumstance”, our sources said.
In the interest of fairness, The Hairbag sought comment from McBufferson, but he was preoccupied trying to learn how to use the Property and Evidence Tracking System. He was last heard yelling from the arrest processing room, “Does anybody know how to voucher keys?!“.