Miranda Lambert embraces 'police wife' lifestyle, buys home in Massapequa
MIDTOWN – On the heels of a revelation that country music star Miranda Lambert has married a member of the service assigned to the elite Midtown South Precinct, the star is fully embracing her new role as a police wife and took initial steps to relocate to Massapequa, sources told The Hairbag earlier today.
“Miranda is fully devoted to her new husband, and will do all she can to fit in to the thriving community of police wives in her new home,” said her spokesman.
“She’ll be closing on a 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch next week, and her first order of business will be to fly a ‘thin blue line’ flag and decorate her front lawn with an assortment of blue ribbons.” he added.
She is already preparing her social media team to begin shifting priorities from glamour shots and music related posts to a variety of pictures of blue-line laden paraphernalia, grammatically incorrect ‘support law enforcement’ memes, and informing her followers how her husband defends this line.
The “Gunpowder and Lead” singer’s first Instagram post since her nuptials is an image of her newly purchased Pandora bracelet adorned with a mini-shield with her new beau’s shield number. The caption read, “I stand for those who stand for this.”
“She’s dedicated to making this work and has spent quite a bit of time learning from other wives at King Kullen and Mulcahy’s of Wantagh,” said an anonymous source. “She has even begun selling skin care products and essential oils over the internet.”
Her decision to marry the highly trained and experienced Manhattan South police officer was not taken lightly, our sources say. She heavily weighed the benefits of marrying into a profession with GHI health insurance, the opportunity for PBA cards, and, of course, entitlement to his pension after divorce.
One of the wives Lambert spoke to at King Kullen was still collecting 95% of her ex-husband’s police pension. “She really wanted to emulate that,” the anonymous friend stated.
Furthermore, the singer was able to accomplish a police wife time-tested rite of passage, as she was seen arguing on the side of the Long Island Expressway with a Nassau County police officer who completely disregarded her Midtown South buff shirt and husband’s PBA card.
Her husband later took to the battleground of “Thee Rant” and the “Club 23” Facebook page, where he posted a picture of the summons and proclaimed the death of courtesy.
However, her new life outside of Nashville may not be enough to hold her attention. It is rumored Lambert is exploring new careers as either a substitute teacher, nurse, or dental hygienist.