Department's BWC policy leaves bad taste in cops' mouths

BROOKLYN – Earlier today, the Police Commissioner announced a proclamation ordering the Department to rethink its Body-worn Camera policy, as current issues have come to a head, The Hairbag has learned. 

The news comes after a revelation in which it was determined too much ambiguity existed within the current policy, leaving cops with too much time on their hands and mouths trying to decipher what they are and aren’t permitted to do as far as the cameras are concerned.

Sources said the, “Is your BWC on?” decals in the RMP’s will be the first items on the chopping block.  “The original intent was to ensure accountability, but instead the cops are spending too much time blowing off radio runs trying to determine if their cameras need to be on,” said the source.

At a press conference on the matter, the Deputy Commissioner of Public Information said, “The problems with our current policy have reached the point of climax. We can’t have cops just jerking around,” he said, adding that new training will be implemented. “The training will begin in the next few weeks once the curriculum is ready. The last thing we want is a premature release.”

In the field, one Brooklyn officer said she had plenty of experience with the cameras, but repeated use has left her unsatisfied with the equipment and wanting more.

“I wish the job would just tell me when they want me to turn this thing on,” she said, sipping her protein shake. “I’ve been driving bosses for a decade, so turning things on is usually my specialty, but sometimes a girl needs a little direction,” she said.

Further exasperating the issue, supervisors are apparently giving improper instructions in malfunction situations. One supervisor reportedly hit his operator’s device from the back, causing irreparable and unexpected damage to the rear slot.

According to the Risk Management Bureau, in the event of a malfunction, officers are supposed to, “Reach around and fiddle with the connector, gently stroking the equipment,” a spokesman said. “That should help alleviate any built up stress inside the device,” he added.

While the unions plan to protest the new training, the Department is standing firm and vows to erect a policy that will withstand any legal challenge, assuring the new procedures will go down easy once the cops get used to it.

Meanwhile, at the Police Academy, a particular Brooklyn North command was ranked #1 on the dream sheets of newly promoted sergeants, who repeatedly asked if the midnight platoon had any openings, both figuratively and literally.