Cop with Fresh Hashmark Complains About Roll Call Assignment
LOWER EAST SIDE, MANHATTAN – After exactly 4.5 years and 2 minutes of dedicated service to the Department, Police Officer Brickson stood stone faced at roll after being assigned to guard a hospitalized prisoner from the previous tour.
The events unfolded only hours after his mother had sewn on his first hash mark, which he purchased while still in the academy and had been keeping in a shadow box in his bedroom.
“This is a little unfair. I busted my butt off to get to this point. Now it’s like my time on means nothing”, said Brickson, who lives in his parent's Massapequa basement and expected the red carpet to be rolled out from the locker room to the muster room.
His partner, PO Hochsworth, told the platoon that Brickson thought a cake would be ordered to signify the momentous occasion, and that he had been saying for months he couldn’t wait for this day so that he’d have “T on the J” and actually be respected.
“He's a bit fanatical about it. The other day, he saw a brown spot on his cuff case and he was telling everybody in the locker room.” Hochsworth continued, “He even made room on his wall at home for the plaque he was expecting from the platoon”.
Further complicating matters, sources at the command informed us that Brickson is often seen yelling at gray shirts, beginning most of his sentences with, “Back when I came on the job” and “Let me show you how the job really is.”
Nevertheless, PO Brickson-who is still 12 out of 13 on vacation picks-was reported to have cleared his throat multiple times during roll call after the assignment was read, seemingly in an attempt to persuade the squad sergeant to change his mind. However, his fate was sealed as the boss gave the final command to fall out.
Moments later, PO Brickson was seen marching into the locker room, mumbling “the job is dead” and “only 20.5 years to go” to himself as he retrieved his iPad and Netflix password in preparation for the long tour ahead.
Fellow squad member PO Walston was within earshot of the incident. “I saw the whole thing. Rookies these days. They’re a bunch of entitled little babies. They’ll never understand what us vets had to go through”, said Walston, who just hit the 5-year mark last month and was preparing for his assignment at the telephone switchboard.