Cop vows to quit paying fraternal group dues after it provides him no hooks

QUEENS – An officer assigned to a local transit district has vowed to stop paying the annual dues for his fraternal group after it has provided him no hooks, connections, or career opportunities, sources told The Hairbag.

The news comes after Police Officer Mikelski attended the annual dinner for his fraternal organization, the Regional Northeast Western Coastal Slovak Recognition Society.

“I’ve just had enough,” proclaimed Mikelski as he loosened his tie upon exiting the venue where the event was being held. “Five years I’ve been paying my dues. Five! And I have nothing to show for it but the same patrol spot I’ve been in since I joined,” he added.

“It’s the same thing every year. They have these events, honor the same chiefs or commissioners, and everyone leaves with nothing to show for it but a lighter wallet.”

Indeed, records provided by Mikelski confirmed he has paid his annual $75 dues like clockwork for each of the last few years.

“I didn’t really have a choice. They would hunt me down if I didn’t pay. They would tell me how important it is for us to stick together as a community, and how beneficial it was for me and my career. Then they’d give me a bootleg looking membership card and a pat on the back.”

Asking around citywide, The Hairbag tracked down a litany of members of the service who also expressed frustrations with their fraternal memberships.

“Bro, I joined every group I could when I was in the academy. I’m still stuck in Sector A. What’s a guy gotta’ do to get a transfer?” said one officer, notorious for his purple cargo pants, and jelly stained tie.“I don’t understand what’s holding me back,” he added.

Another officer had a variety of glossy photos littered across his desk. “These are all pictures of me and a bunch of people that look like me,” said the officer, admitting that he doesn’t know the name of anyone in any of the photos but added “This is what sticking together looks like.”

Other members said the key was to join every possible fraternal organization, even if you have no hereditary link to their group.

“Listen, this is how it’s done. This is how hooks are made,” said the sergeant, who continues to maintain active membership to over 15 fraternal groups.

He then proudly displayed his membership cards, which he handed over to our reporters faster than a motorist handing over PBA cards on a car stop.

“One day, this will all pay off,” said the sergeant, as he licked the envelope containing the check for his 20th straight year of dues before returning to the precinct desk.