Anti-Crime Team Saves Day With Marijuana Collar
BUSHWICK, BROOKLYN – Late yesterday, members of the 64th Precinct’s Anti-Crime team arrested the individual responsible for a string of marijuana complaints, in one of the most high-profile arrests of the year, sources said.
Over the past three months, the six-four was receiving an onslaught of calls for possible narcotics use. Callers specifically described the aroma of “weed.”
The commanding officer, Deputy Inspector Timothy Mulcahy, called this “the most pressing issue facing the command”, seemingly disregarding the fact his command is up 150% in robberies since last year.
But yesterday, Police Officers Eisenhower and Hardo were on routine patrol in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn when they smelled the distinct aroma of marijuana cigarettes. Officer Eisenhower’s keen nose, which he honed during his vast experience as an Operation IMPACT cop, lead him to 18-year-old James Cleaver, who was seen smoking what was left of a small joint.
Back at the command, standing behind a table that held the infamous burnt marijuana, Eisenhower stated, “This is an absolutely surreal moment. We finally got him!” Just before their picture was taken for an iconic Twitter photo, Eisenhower continued, “Not for nothing, but when I knew I had the collar, I could hear James Earl Jones narrating the story in my head.”
His partner, PO Hardo, stated he would petition the job to add their feat to the “Hero's” video so they could be immortalized for years to come. Hardo quipped, “Look, someone’s gotta' protect the sheep from the wolf.”
Eisenhower added, “The Captain will surely have us over for supper.” The Hairbag could not reach Cleaver’s attorney for comment, considering he was issued a Desk Appearance Ticket and released. Eisenhower will likely combine court appearances, as he is due to testify next week for his last collar: a visible knife clipped to the belt of a local day laborer.
In unrelated news, a 15-year-old girl was robbed at gunpoint later in the day. No suspects have been identified.